I also believe love is forever. I have a tattoo that signifies this as well. I even still love people that I would never allow back in my life due to the abuses they committed. There’s still love though, love and gratitude for the lessons I learned and for the person they were when I loved them the most.
This really hit home for me. I have a friend whom I actually considered a BEST friend since high school. 50 years+ of friendship. She lives in another part of the country now, and the few times we have managed to get together over the last 20 years it is like we haven’t been apart at all. The kind of friendship that is effortless, at least I thought so until recently. Thinking about it, our friendship has been effortless on her part. I am the one who has always put the effort into it. Her mom was there for me in high school when I was having issues at home, she welcomed me into her home as a guest on more than one occasion. My friendship with her daughter was a catalyst for her generosity, but her generosity was genuine. Over the years, I have always been there for this friend, cherished what I thought was a “friendship.” I was there for her during her first divorce. When she caught her second husband cheating on her at 2 AM, I was the one she called for support. I was there to babysit her step son because she had no one else. Then she decided that in order to save her marriage, that they needed to relocate(of course he cheated on her again after they did). Once they relocated, she pretty much ghosted me. I knew nothing about what was happening in her life, about her ultimate divorce. She didn’t need me because she was living near her mom by then. Over the years, she has been extremely lax about answering my calls, texts. She really doesn’t. She was actually the first person I called after my initial cancer diagnosis. But she hasn’t been there for me like I would have been there for her if the tables were turned. I told her about my recent relapse, has she checked in with me to see how I am doing? Nope. I have seen her twice in the past 20 years. Once when we were about to embark on a cruise as a family, and once when hubs and I visited friends in Florida. I found out on Facebook that she visited Chicago a couple of years ago. Smiling pictures of her and previous co workers enjoying the city. Did she call me to let me know she was here, to arrange a dinner date? Nope and nope, and that speaks volumes about how little she values what I believed was a lifelong friendship. It stings. I have considered cutting ties, what’s the point of this so called “friendship?”🤔
Deb. Damn. This is quite a story. It is pretty crazy how we can outgrow friendships or something happens and one person just doesn't put forth any effort anymore.
I have another essay called "acorns" which I think brings forth some of the pain you've described in your comment. I had a 35 year friendship just go down the drain and I'm still not entirely why. I think my friend may have been jealous of me and my life and just couldn't deal with it anymore so she chose to cut me out. I was with her through a lot of bad times.
I'm sorry one of your closests wasn't there for you when you've been dealing with hard time. I do think it is true that people eventually show who they are...and you now have to move on and find people who will love you how you deserve to be loved.
I'm sending some love your way. I hope you are doing well over the holiday season.
Thank you! I am planning an essay today or tomorrow about this very thing. It actually feels a bit empowering to make the decision to let go. Bittersweet yes, but with my cancer relapse last year, I came to realize that I need to stop holding on to people and things that no longer hold a place in my life. I just had a lovely lunch with my BFF, a friend who arrived later in my life, but I know that this friendship is something that was meant to be, we discovered that we have a connection that goes way back. There will be an essay on that too. I think God provides, one door closes and another opens to even better things. 🥰
I read this several days ago and I just didn’t know what to say. I read it again today and now I’m feeling that it’s about the spookiest thing I’ve read on your Substack. There are so many ways to interpret this essay/story/fantasy. The photos, as usual, highlight the tone of the words. Thank you! ❤️!
The challenge is that we ourselves are broken doors who are dealing with broken doors. At what point do you determine that you need a new door? In the ideal, we are called to be infinitely patient with broken doors. At the same time, we also have to deal with reality.
Even Jesus in Matt 7 warns us not to throw pearls to swine immediately after telling us not to judge and to remove the plank from our own eye before worrying about the speck in another’s. It’s always a tough one.
Sorry that you are dealing with it. Wishing you the best.
I'm sorry for the hard times , Holly, but it sounds as if you have evolved as a result. Life is full of learning , if we are open. May the new year bring you complete closure on this relationship.
I think I saw you commented on another post of mine (maybe had something to do with the Huxley quote "lightly" and I wanted to reply when I saw it come through but was on my phone and basically can't write anything of substance on my phone and now I can't find it. Buried in the abyss somewhere.
Anyway, so good to see you. Thank you for reading and commenting here. I hope your new year brings love and light too. Glad to have found you here.
hhahah - here’s the thing. I did comment on something of yours , reflecting on your introduction to me about the Huxley idea of “Go lightly”. - You brought that to me when I was wondering about a nudge word last January - and I referenced it in response - I think - to a post of yours. I don’t see you as often here as I used to but I’m not here so much so it’s my own fault. I hope your new year is healthy and brings a few good surprises your way.
That was very thought provoking, Holly. I've recently become very aware of transgenerational trauma or repeated cycles of dysfunction in families. This sounds earily similar to that. I'm new to Substack, but a post of your's struck me. You are a deep thinker. Maybe you could follow my Substack? My subject matter is about mental health and addiction recovery.
I usually can take quite a bit. High pain tolerance. Giving people the benefit of the doubt. But it hasn’t been serving me. I’m just getting hurt over and over. I’m learning to let go.
Glad this resonates. Thanks so much for reading, Grace.
I knew someone like this.
He was bipolar. When depressive, ghost you.
When manic, frantic to fix and ignore what they did to you. Sad to love someone like that. Glad you got your new door. Ït was time.
It was definitely time. Hindsight shows us everything.
Sorry you had to deal with this person, too. It can be draining.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Linda :)
When I first came on Substack, you were there and I had some conversations with you
and met someone through you who changed my life.
It is really true that you don't know the effect that your words will have on someone else. Thank you for just being you and being there.
Damn. That’s awesome. I’d love to hear more of you don’t mind DMing me.
A relationship has to work in both directions. Sometimes it’s necessary to close the door.
Excellent metaphor, Holly.
Yep. I wrote to another commenter I think we stay in relationships sometimes because we hope they will eventually become what we’d like them to be.
I do hold out hope because I’ve had some change a bit.
But yes, she and the door had exhausted their chances.
I also believe love is forever. I have a tattoo that signifies this as well. I even still love people that I would never allow back in my life due to the abuses they committed. There’s still love though, love and gratitude for the lessons I learned and for the person they were when I loved them the most.
Andrea. Profound. I think what you say underscores the meaning in this essay. The love will never die. But does it really work anymore?
thanks so much for reading.
Yes, very much so. The love is there but the connection is forever severed. <3
I taught creative writing for years to college students. You definitely have it.
Such a great comment. Makes my day. Thank you for reading and saying so Anthony.
This really hit home for me. I have a friend whom I actually considered a BEST friend since high school. 50 years+ of friendship. She lives in another part of the country now, and the few times we have managed to get together over the last 20 years it is like we haven’t been apart at all. The kind of friendship that is effortless, at least I thought so until recently. Thinking about it, our friendship has been effortless on her part. I am the one who has always put the effort into it. Her mom was there for me in high school when I was having issues at home, she welcomed me into her home as a guest on more than one occasion. My friendship with her daughter was a catalyst for her generosity, but her generosity was genuine. Over the years, I have always been there for this friend, cherished what I thought was a “friendship.” I was there for her during her first divorce. When she caught her second husband cheating on her at 2 AM, I was the one she called for support. I was there to babysit her step son because she had no one else. Then she decided that in order to save her marriage, that they needed to relocate(of course he cheated on her again after they did). Once they relocated, she pretty much ghosted me. I knew nothing about what was happening in her life, about her ultimate divorce. She didn’t need me because she was living near her mom by then. Over the years, she has been extremely lax about answering my calls, texts. She really doesn’t. She was actually the first person I called after my initial cancer diagnosis. But she hasn’t been there for me like I would have been there for her if the tables were turned. I told her about my recent relapse, has she checked in with me to see how I am doing? Nope. I have seen her twice in the past 20 years. Once when we were about to embark on a cruise as a family, and once when hubs and I visited friends in Florida. I found out on Facebook that she visited Chicago a couple of years ago. Smiling pictures of her and previous co workers enjoying the city. Did she call me to let me know she was here, to arrange a dinner date? Nope and nope, and that speaks volumes about how little she values what I believed was a lifelong friendship. It stings. I have considered cutting ties, what’s the point of this so called “friendship?”🤔
Deb. Damn. This is quite a story. It is pretty crazy how we can outgrow friendships or something happens and one person just doesn't put forth any effort anymore.
I have another essay called "acorns" which I think brings forth some of the pain you've described in your comment. I had a 35 year friendship just go down the drain and I'm still not entirely why. I think my friend may have been jealous of me and my life and just couldn't deal with it anymore so she chose to cut me out. I was with her through a lot of bad times.
I'm sorry one of your closests wasn't there for you when you've been dealing with hard time. I do think it is true that people eventually show who they are...and you now have to move on and find people who will love you how you deserve to be loved.
I'm sending some love your way. I hope you are doing well over the holiday season.
Thank you! I am planning an essay today or tomorrow about this very thing. It actually feels a bit empowering to make the decision to let go. Bittersweet yes, but with my cancer relapse last year, I came to realize that I need to stop holding on to people and things that no longer hold a place in my life. I just had a lovely lunch with my BFF, a friend who arrived later in my life, but I know that this friendship is something that was meant to be, we discovered that we have a connection that goes way back. There will be an essay on that too. I think God provides, one door closes and another opens to even better things. 🥰
It's so complicated! 💔
Thank you so much for writing this!
It is so complicated. Thanks very much for reading and commenting, Mahmoud.
I read this several days ago and I just didn’t know what to say. I read it again today and now I’m feeling that it’s about the spookiest thing I’ve read on your Substack. There are so many ways to interpret this essay/story/fantasy. The photos, as usual, highlight the tone of the words. Thank you! ❤️!
You leave the best comments. Thanks, Rafael.
I think what making writing magical is there is always a slightly different interpretation and your viewpoint comes from your own experience.
Happy New year!
You are so kind to read and reply. I really appreciate that. Thank you, Holly. ❤️!
I really enjoy reading you, Holly. Happy new year!
The sweetest comment. Thanks very much, Sara. Appreciate you reading.
I must say Holly, you really did what was needed for you.
Thanks very much and for reading, Jayd. I did honestly.
Another beautiful, deep and meaningful piece of writing Holly. And I love the metaphor 🙏💛
This metaphor was right in front me and impossible to ignore.
Thanks, as always, Darcy, for reading and commenting.
Beautifully written and thought provoking.
The challenge is that we ourselves are broken doors who are dealing with broken doors. At what point do you determine that you need a new door? In the ideal, we are called to be infinitely patient with broken doors. At the same time, we also have to deal with reality.
Even Jesus in Matt 7 warns us not to throw pearls to swine immediately after telling us not to judge and to remove the plank from our own eye before worrying about the speck in another’s. It’s always a tough one.
Sorry that you are dealing with it. Wishing you the best.
You know, this thought did occur to me, too, so thank you for pointing it out. User error.
Humans are fallible and the things we create are as well. The answers are never easy and everything changes.
But the door and what it showed me became impossible to ignore.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Mike.
I'm sorry for the hard times , Holly, but it sounds as if you have evolved as a result. Life is full of learning , if we are open. May the new year bring you complete closure on this relationship.
Hi Gracie,
I think I saw you commented on another post of mine (maybe had something to do with the Huxley quote "lightly" and I wanted to reply when I saw it come through but was on my phone and basically can't write anything of substance on my phone and now I can't find it. Buried in the abyss somewhere.
Anyway, so good to see you. Thank you for reading and commenting here. I hope your new year brings love and light too. Glad to have found you here.
hhahah - here’s the thing. I did comment on something of yours , reflecting on your introduction to me about the Huxley idea of “Go lightly”. - You brought that to me when I was wondering about a nudge word last January - and I referenced it in response - I think - to a post of yours. I don’t see you as often here as I used to but I’m not here so much so it’s my own fault. I hope your new year is healthy and brings a few good surprises your way.
Why do we hang on to relationships which aren’t working? The person represents a missing part of ourselves? Challenges are puzzles to master?
I think there is always the hope that it is going to work the way you want it to. And I do think that can be a beautiful thing.
But yes, there is also something to filling the void and maybe we do find something in the challenge.
I do think navigating this and how we relate to it is the work of life. It is human.
Thanks very much for reading and commenting, Mirsha :)
Funny that no one knows, how doing the right thing for ourselves can be so liberating.
Yes, you hit the nail on the head. I can now breathe easier and so much easier to recognize in hindsight.
Once we recognize the incompatible must-do, it’s really inescapable. One of my past weaknesses - not acting in a timely way, in my own best interest.
You must have a genuinely good spirit and be generous of heart. Good for you.
That was very thought provoking, Holly. I've recently become very aware of transgenerational trauma or repeated cycles of dysfunction in families. This sounds earily similar to that. I'm new to Substack, but a post of your's struck me. You are a deep thinker. Maybe you could follow my Substack? My subject matter is about mental health and addiction recovery.
I will definitely check out your stuff.
I try to think that is for sure!
Thanks very much for reading and commenting :)
“How much dysfunction can you tolerate? What can you no longer cover up?” I ask myself these questions over and over again. Great post, Holly. 🩷
I usually can take quite a bit. High pain tolerance. Giving people the benefit of the doubt. But it hasn’t been serving me. I’m just getting hurt over and over. I’m learning to let go.
Glad this resonates. Thanks so much for reading, Grace.